I Never Brood
by epiphanies
Summary: *Finished* Spike's back. Soul and All. Clem smells him first, and then as Buffy's ready to face a soliciter at ten thirty at night, she feels faint. What could it be?
1. Default Chapter

I Never Brood

Chapter One: Why Do I Feel Guilty?

  
  
  
  


Something moved in the shadowy darkness of Clem's crypt. He looked up from the blurry black and white screen and whispered, "Is anybody there?"

Clem couldn't help thinking to himself what he should have said. Spike- or any other demon, for that matter- would have stood up bravely and said "Who are you?" or "Who's there?" or "Get the hell out of my personal space, demon scum!" But Clem? No. Clem just sat there, still munching on cold popcorn and secretly hoping that it was the Slayer, or the Slayer's sister or somebody that he could actually suck up to so they wouldn't kill him. Not that they would kill him anyway, they knew he was harmless...but anyway. He didn't hear anything else, so he turned back to watching Passions. He felt stupid about that too, but at least he didn't have to feel that bad. Big Bad Spike was the one who'd gotten him hooked in the first place. He couldn't help it. He thought Kay was kind of cute. And how the hell did Theresa get back, anyway? 

He'd just gotten settled back into the show when he heard a creaking noise at the door. Deciding to just act friendly and hope for the best, he called out "Come in!"

Since it was dark, he couldn't see anything. But he recognized the smell mixed between burnt cigarettes and burnt toast.

"Spike!" he called out, and waited for a response. The lights flickered on, and Clem looked over at the doorway. 

Spike looked different. His hair was nearly back to it's natural brown, and his eyes seemed to stand out a little from his white face. He also looked kind of short.

"Clem..." Spike looked at him, and Clem found himself feeling guilty. He didn't know why he felt guilty, he hadn't done anything for him to feel guilty....so why did he feel guilty? He was under the stare of a vampire, for God's sake.

"Hey there, Spike. What's up? How's it hanging? Want some popcorn?" Clem stood up with the blue bowl in hand and started walking towards his friend.

"No thanks, Clem. Never was one for that stuff, too greasy. Oh, and you have a piece stuck in your arm." Spike pointed out the kernel and Clem picked it out. He stared at his friend after eating the lost popcorn.

"What?" said Spike finally, exasperated.

"Um..." Clem started, then pointed to the basement, "All your stuff is in the same condition down there...I didn't change anything. And your coat's back, in case you needed it."

Spike frowned, "My duster? Why's it here?"

"Cause the Slayer dropped it off with her little sis."

"With her little sis? You mean Dawn? Why was she here?"

"Because Buffy needed somebody to look after her."

Spike's features changed. He looked pensive.

"What?" Clem was dying to know what had happened to the vampire within the time he had left and now.

"Why did she bring Nib here...after what I did?"

"Dire situation. You know that cute red head?" Clem munched on some more popcorn and settled himself on the back of the armchair.

"Willow."

"Yeah...something bad happened with her and Buffy didn't want Dawn to get hurt. But I'm fairly sure she ended up getting hurt anyway because I didn't take care of her too good~"

"What?" Spike had him by the throat in seconds, "What happened to Dawn? What to Willow, what happened?"

"I don't know! I don't know! Come on, Spike," Clem panted, "you know I'd tell you if I knew."

Spike eyed him for a second, and still Clem felt guilty about something. Maybe it was the torture he'd put the teenager through with the cheap cable and taste tests.

Spike loosened his grip, and Clem drew in a breath.

"You could go see her, you know. She looked kind of green when I said you'd left."

Spike's eyes were unreadable, "Did she."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Clem at least knew that, but persisted anyway.

"You could find out the whole story, and then talk and be making with the smooches and get back to the way you were before all the brooding came in."

Clem wished he'd picked a better choice of words, for Spike's eyes flashed at the word brooding.

"Brooding...Clem, if it's one thing you should know about me," Spike grabbed his duster and headed for the door, "It's that I never, ever brood!"


	2. I Missed You

I Never Brood

Chapter Two: I Missed You

  
  


Buffy didn't feel guilty at all as she scooped herself some double fudge ice cream. She deserved it, she had just killed an entire pack of vampires. 

Well, she had to admit that she had felt a little guilty about that. They were young and vulnerable...and still practising personal hygiene, which was a pretty amazing thing for a vampire. It seemed as though they thought that since their heart had stopped beating that their odours had magically gone away. Usually even the total neat freak of a human would make a wickedsmelly vamp.

She could only guess that it was one of the reasons vamps generally smoked. There was the rush feeling of relaxation...but there was also the smoke covering odd and rather sickening body odour.

Her mind screamed at her in the process, but while she was making this entire observation she knew what she was building up to. Ice cream to guilt, guilt to vamps, vamps to body odours of vamps, body odours of vamps to vamps smoking cigarettes. Wow, that was really hard. Her brain had just gotten away with thinking about Spike.

She was alone in the house for once, and decided to take advantage of that. She changed into her pajamas that consisted of a skimpy comfortably tank top and boxer shorts and flopped down in front of the TV. As she flipped through the channels while eating her ice cream, she bit her lip.

What did we used to do for fun around here? 

She could barely remember the last time she had laughed. Yeah, at the little jokes going on in the house with Dawn and Willow....but really laughed? She hadn't had a big choking laugh for the longest time, but she was pretty sure that it had been after one of her and Spike's sessions last year. That was one thing that stood out clearly in her mind, was the times after the sessions. Especially under the rug times.

Just as she was getting deep in thought about that incident and was starting to giggle, there was a knock at the door. She nearly jumped right into the coffee table.

She looked down at herself to see if she was presentable for a soliciter, and then realized that it was ten thirty at night and that if there were any soliciters left out there, they were the freaky nutso pervert ones. Ones that she would have no problem handling.

She opened the door and nearly fainted.

Spike.

"Spike." she managed to breathe finally, and took the time to notice that he'd let his blonde locks nearly grow out so that the tips were a lighter shade. And that his eyes seemed bright, but that might have just been the front porch light. And that he looked short.

"Buffy, can I come in?" he looked at her straight in the face and she nearly fainted again. For weeks-for months!- she had been thinking about him coming back, and just when she'd started to feel like she'd never feel again, here he was, on her doorstep looking as sexy as ever.

Her mind screamed at her for thinking about it like that, but that was the way it was. She couldn't really help it.

Then she realized that he was still staring at her, waiting for an answer and she was still standing in the same spot staring at him stupidly like he'd dropped down from the sky.

"Yeah, yeah come in." she opened the door and led him inside, "So, I see you got your coat back."

Spike looked down at his black leather duster and shrugged, "Yeah."

They stared at eachother for a moment, and then Buffy dropped down onto the couch.

"So, where've you been?" she blurted out, and he sat uneasily into an easy chair.

He looked like he was making a decision, and he was making a long time out of it. Buffy didn't feel like being patient.

"Just tell me already, Spike. You know I'll find out anyway."

"Fine." he shot back, "I was in Africa."

Buffy was taken aback. Florida, yes. England even, yes. But Africa? Good thing she hadn't gone looking for him.

"You were in Africa...she trailed, "Doing what, exactly?"

He looked like he was making a decision again, and just before Buffy was going to scream bloody murder at him, he opened his mouth.

"Getting something back that had been borrowed."

"Borrowed? You let somebody borrow something? You don't come across as the buddy buddy, share share, borrow borrow type."

"Well, it wasn't my choice. But I'd forgotten that somebody had borrowed it. I had to get it back, so I went to Africa."

"You'd let somebody in Africa borrow something of yours?"

"Well, it isn't a person and it didn't have to be in Africa."

Buffy was confused. Buffy didn't like being confused. Spike knew this.

"Ok," he sighed, "Are you sure you want to know? Because there's no going back."

"Yes," she said, her teeth gritted, "I want to know. Tell me before I throw you out the window."

"I got my soul."

Only a very strong, very sharp and very shiny knife could have cut through the tension that filled the room. 

Buffy stared at him, dumbstruck.

Finally, she said "You let somebody borrow your soul?"

Spike sighed impatiently, "It was a metaphor. And anyway...what do you think?"

"Think of what? You have your soul."

"Yes, I remember telling you that. It's your chance to react just about now."

"I am reacting. I'm....reacting." Buffy snapped.

"React faster." Spike drummed his nonexistant fingernails onto the coffee table. Apparently this annoyed Buffy to no end, because she slammed her hand on top of his to make the noise stop.

They both stared at her hand, which was softening now and was intwining his fingers with hers. Buffy had no idea what the hell she was doing, she was just watching their hands.

"Did you want it?" she said softly, and he shrugged.

"I wanted something."

"Oh."

There was that silence again. Buffy stared at the man she knew in so many ways. She'd seen so many sides to him...and she was in the process of trying to figure out why he didn't seem that all different from the old him. You could tell Angel from Angelus. So why couldn't you tell William from Spike?

Buffy hadn't realized that she'd been speaking, ever so softly, aloud.

"Because I loved you without a soul." Spike said softly, "And that's why I wanted to show you."

Buffy finally got it. 

"Ah." she nodded her head, and stared at him some more. She couldn't help herself much longer, she knew that. She would either have to kick him out tonight...or kick him out tomorrow night.

She hadn't even known she'd chosen the latter until her lips landed upon his in a soft touch, softer than ever before. Soft was not an adjective she'd once used for their smooshing habits...but this was just it. Soft. It was kind of nice, too. 

Once she pulled back, she pulled out a Spike trademark smirk and licked her lips.

With a British accent and a cock of her head, she said "So, Peaches....what would you do if I did THIS?"

With that she reached up and grabbed his hair and started screwing with it. Spike grabbed onto her waist and threw both of them onto the couch.

"Did that bother you?" she said innocently, and Spike smirked his old smirk as he started to tickle her, "No. Does this bother you?"

Buffy held back her giggles as she stared into his eyes. They seemed bluer in a way that could only be the sparkle of a soul. Of course, Angel's eyes had never been as pretty as that because, you know, his eyes were brown and weird. But Spike's were gorgeous. She wanted eyes like that.

"So," he kissed her cheek lightly, "I should be going....."

"Oh no, you don't!" Buffy shrieked and pulled him back on top of her. 

They stared at eachother a moment, and then whispered at the same time,

"I missed you."


End file.
